Unrealistic expectations cause us to define/interpret and therefore perceive market information as threatening.
- Being Wrong
- Losing
- Missing Out
- Leaving Money on the Table
Fear will cause us to focus on the object of our fear so that we end up creating the experience we are trying to avoid.
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The one last bastion that I need to overcome to be a consistent trader is something that I feel has plagued me my whole life. Growing up I knew and felt that I was different, now I don't mean that in the sense that I am superior or better than the others (even though I felt that way at the time) but over time--just different. How I see the world vs how majority of others see the world is where my internal conflicts arise from which resulted in me achieving drastically "less than what my potential" could be.
Children have a relatively strong imagination vs adults. They are more in touch with nature and with God and is commonly depicted as such. The reason for this is that as children grow up, they are conditioned to such a way to be more "rational", less imaginative, and into thinking how to live inside "human constructs" that society creates. If you don't adapt to society's or parents standards/expectations-- you are diagnosed with a mental disorder which ends up a self-fulfilling prophecy in most of the cases.
Our current science/psychology and developmental theories are very refined from how we though a 100yrs ago, but it's not exact/can still be further refined and this is where it falls apart and exactly how disorders are created. We've created the illusion of disorder where there was no disorder in the first place. In my case, majority of mental health personnel i've talked to would revert to their "studies/knowledge/degree" and become biased in their assessments which in turn would cause them to not see me for what I am. I'm not saying this is "wrong" because there's really no right or wrong in life--it's how one perceives it and usually it's just the opposite side of the same coin/concept.
Getting back on topic, the rationalists would most of the time have a high probability of them telling me that growing up--I was still trying to find my place and figure out who I was in life. This falls in line with how majority of people are but I didn't fall in that category. Most people are just lost in life who pretends to know what it is that they are doing. They give up pursuing their childhood goals and dreams and start to reason and justify that they are now an "adult" and have to live a certain way that opposes their hearts desires. This is where their mind asserts control over their consciousness and some live their whole lives lost with the rationale that this is how society wants them to live their life so they are indeed living a good life. And this is where disorders starts, internal conflicts between the heart and mind that causes people to turn to things/objects/actions/addictions that "numbs" the brain temporarily--just enough so that they can function yet again to society's wants and needs. What's worse is those not financially knowledgeable/disciplined will fall into a similar cycle which is very, very hard to get out of unless they can first psychologically get out of it first--The Rat Race. Personal Finance was never about numbers or money--it's about human behavior.
For me it was never about "growing up" into how society thinks, but me losing who I was into something that was "socially acceptable". The "smarter and rationally knowledgeable" I get--the more dumber I got in my irrationality, imagination and intuition skills--and I saw/felt that. Society does not fully accept/understand "crazy" people unfortunately but it is the imaginative people of today which without doubt shapes society's tomorrow.
I had always known who I was through a priori. It was never about me finding out who I am, but what it was--was me trying to have society/others try to understand me which I HAVE to understand that this will never happen. I have visions that society just cannot see. I need to come to terms that Society will never be able to accept me--I just need to accept them.
*Side note: I've always noticed people in life trying to figure/think me out. I've sometimes said don't think about how I think--then you'll understand me. They'll give me a weird face that I'll laugh at internally. It's sad but I've always known that they don't understand me, I just never accepted it.
Simpler terms, I am someone who can see and think outside of human constructs/societies limitations/box (if there ever was one). But i'm always conflicted on why so very few can see that. On a similar note, in the past i've always argued and tried to explain to my older sister Charlotte that we as a family is different than the rest of other people in terms of intelligence/knowledge but she perceives that she is just normal and average compared to other people. It's funny that I try to show her that but at the same time not fully embodying/accept the concept i'm trying to show her. This is where I need to fully embrace that--because in short, it shows up in my trading.
I've been doing alot of Acceptance and Commitment therapy and applying mindfulness techniques to combat this internal conflict. Increasing my communication skills/language/active listening skills has also shortened the gap between being able to explain how/what I am in ways the others can understand. In short, I am a metaphysician, mathematician who happens to love dabbling in Theroretical and Quantum Physics as well as logic. If i'm ever able to overcome this last psychological barrier that i've noticed i keep running into--this will set of a chain of events that are already deterministic that I will become a disciplined, consistent and profitable trader.. i.e. ATM machine ka-ching ka-ching !!
